All-Metrodome Patch Team

You ever have a conversation with someone, anyone these days...and it always veers off to how bad the economy is...I find it really annoying even though it's true. The Minnesota Twins have operated like they've endured a "bad economy" throughout their whole existence of the franchise. To honor them and the Metrodome's last year of hosting the Twins, I have come up with an All-Metrodome Patch Team. This pays tribute to all the players they've signed on the cheap in the off-season (or during the season) to patch up their ballclub in one shape or form.

C: Pat Borders - His play resembles Mike Redmond, which means he never really plays, or if he does play he has no impact on the game whatsoever. But, Dick Bremer loved to bring up his MVP of the World Series accomplishment.

1B: Orlando Merced - Remember it took the Twins a gazillion years for someone (Morneau) to finally hit at least 30 home runs in a season. Go through some of the names we stuck at "power positions" such as 1st base/3rd base/corner outfielders...you'll see why it took us so long.

2B: Bret Boone - Remember when you sported the t-shirt "Chicks Dig the Long Ball". I would've just been happy (and probably the chicks too) with a few singles here and there from you.

SS: Jose Offerman - We actually signed you as a pinch-hitter, which wasn't a bad move...however, I think it's more comical to put you at shortstop considering your fielding prowess during your Major League career.

3B: Tony Batista - It's pretty fitting you come over from a year of baseball in Japan with a buddha belly of your own. Nick Punto replaced you as the everyday third basemen...how would you like to live with that for the rest of your life...?

LF: Alex Cole - Rec-Specs...isn't it funny that some times you remember people by the fads/fashions of their day, not necessarily because they were memorable themselves.

CF: Otis Nixon - You resembled E.T....except, your eyes were more bloodshot than his...it must've been that cocaine.

RF: Roberto Kelly - Very solid player in his day...however, the Twins were about five years late on signing him during his prime.

DH: Ruben Sierra - It's pretty funny going over this list and realizing that half of these players that played under Gardenhire didn't get along with him...thus, they were released or traded. I thought you were a players' manager, Gardy?

SP: Bob Tewksbury - No way!...Twins add a veteran pitcher long in the tooth, who doesn't throw hard...but, he throws strikes. "He knows how to pitch" replies Gardy.

RP: Mike Jackson - You only got this spot because of great timing. I don't know if anyone heard, but Michael Jackson died...this is my sad pathetic way to pay homage to him.

SBG