Why so Chilly Minnesota?

Whatever happened to "Minnesota Nice"? Brad Childress seems to be the most hated man in this state since Norm Green moved the North Stars. Why does the Vikings faithful hate him so much? I've been pondering this for awhile...and just to let you know...I coach middle-school basketball...so in a sense, in my own mind I'm in the coaching fraternity...so these coaches...as Sid would say, "are my close personal friends". I will try to justify some of the complaints I often see and read that iritate fans.

1. He's neglected the quarterback position. Agreed. He hasn't made an upgrade since he's been here, however the defense has gotten a whole lot of his attention and has been progressively better every year (even after Tomlin left). Do people remember the Vikings under Mike Tice and Denny Green? There were numerous games where playing on the road was an automatic loss, no matter where we were playing. There were plenty of Sundays' where the team simply didn't show up under Tice and Green. How many games in Childress' tenure have we been blown out in...the only one that I recall was at Green Bay during Adrian Peterson's rookie year (I remember that game because he left with an injury, on a borderline cheap hit).

2. He's arrogant and stubborn. Agreed. He's arrogant and stubborn...and probably didn't get off on the best foot with the media and fans during the first year or two. But, this coach was also hired to clean up the image of the Vikings right after Tice was let go. We (the Vikings) were the equivalent of the Cincinnati Bengals (if not, a leg up) in off-field issues during much of Tice's tenure. (Love Boat, Randy Moss in general, Snowmobile charity event/that turned into rape allegation, etc)

3. His playbook/play calling is vanilla and boring. Playbooks and play calling mean very little, unless you have the players to execute the plays. Perfect example is Brian Billick. Brian Billick wasn't fielding head coaching job offers until after the Vikings had Randy Moss scoring touchdown after touchdown. Billick then became an offensive genious...? How did that translate over to Baltimore? He won a Super Bowl, despite a well below-average offense. In fact, when teams don't have a good quarterback they often pick up their morale by saying, "hey, Trent Dilfer (Billick's quarterback) won a Super Bowl!" Billick was such an offensive genious, that he wasn't able to build an offense for nearly 10 years in Baltimore...resulting in Baltimore canning a coach that won a Super Bowl for them.

4. Mike Tice did a lot more with a lot less help from the owner. I hate this argument. First this is more of a front office debate, rather than who the head coach was at the time, but if we were comparing head coaches, then...: Is it Childress' fault that Red McCombs was tight with his money and Zygi Wilf isn't? How does this fall on Childress? And how do we know Mike Tice would succeed with more payroll added to the team? Would we sign more Denard Walkers'? And wouldn't you say that the Vikings under Childress have spent their money wisely, not lavishly on solid free agents additions (with the exception of Thomas Tapeh).

5. He's bald, he has a porn mustache and hides behind a Perkins menu during games. I can't defend him anymore...we should run him out of town.

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Career Day!

I've decided to play Guidance Counselor for some of the athletes in the Minnesota sports scene...because quite frankly, for some of you...your playing days will be coming to an end quickly...And it's always good to have a back-up plan, especially in this economy.

Nick Punto - Marriage Counselor - No matter what position you play: 2nd, Shortstop, 3B or on the bench...you're always on the mound with Rick Anderson while he is conversing with the pitcher and catcher during a crucial situation. This has served as your internship for rough patches in relationships.

Percy Harvin - City Worker - As long as you can pass the initial drug screen (which wouldn't happen)...you would fit in nicely with this organization. The Government loves worthless people that don't show up to work on a regular basis.

Carlos Gomez - Dance Instructor - I've never seen a more over dramatic crow hop in all of baseball. It's really ugly on the baseball field, but could get rave reviews in the artsy world of dance.

Corey Brewer - Actor - If you were posing as a child in those Feed the Children of Africa ads...I would be donating money towards that cause in a heartbeat. Your legs are freakishly skinny...I get all squirmy just thinking about how easy those could shatter in the wind.

Ray Edwards - Boxing Promoter/Politician - You somehow get publicity even though you suck. You say the most ridiculous comments and make outrageous predictions (for example: "I'll break the single season sack record" or "I'd rather have T-Jack than Favre"). You never deliver on anything...and why people waste their time on you is beyond me...

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Mr. Yuck sticker...

I love when the Twins make me stay up late on a weeknight just to torture and punish me for being a fan of the team. The Twins blew a 10 run lead in Oakland last night to lose a gut wrenching game. In order to blow off some steam, I'm taking some notes from my wife...and have created an Alphabet of Frustrations from last night's loss.

Are you kidding me with Punto batting 2nd?
Brendan Harris needs to just step in the box and hit, I'm so tired of his batting routine between every pitch.
Catcher Mike Redmond has zero chance of throwing any baserunners out.
Don't make excuses (Dick and Bert) how they are stealing off the pitcher (not the catcher), Redmond sucks.
Errant throws by Punto help keep innings alive for the A's.
Foul pop ups must be caught, Justin Morneau.
Gonzalez gives up 11 earned runs 2 and 2/3's...yet, gets a no decision. Sign me up.
Holliday goes deep twice to boost his trade value.
I thought it was difficult to hit homeruns in Oakland during night games.
Justin Morneau drives in 7 RBI's in the first three innings and then disappears for the rest of the game. Isn't this a snapshot of every year in his career. He gets his numbers early and then fades away towards the end of the year.
Keppel is not the answer to the bullpen, Mr. Bill Smith.
Luckily only a couple hundred fans in the stadium had to actually witness this sad excuse of a baseball game.
Mirajes is a poor man's Dennys Reyes. It amazes me how lefties can have no velocity or movement on their pitches and they are still in the bigs because they are simply left-handed. My son Cullen will now begin to work on his southpaw form.
No one has had success in the two-hole except Mauer, says Dick Bremer...ding, ding, ding...we have a winner...put Mauer in the two spot until someone worthy actually earns that spot? (I know Mauer wasn't starting this particular game.)
Oh my god...will someone on the stinking starting rotation emerge as our #1 pitcher. I'm so sick of how fragile the mental health of all our starters are.
Punto gets rave reviews from Sean Casey and Harold Reynolds on the MLB channel after turning a double play (I go back and forth when games get this ugly)..."he is always making great plays no matter where he plays." I chuckled to myself.
Quite a trade for my new favorite GM David Kahn...I'm starting to prepare for the ultimate collapse for the Twins and trying to focus on more positive local sporting news.
R.A. Dickey needs to be used more in games such as these to switch up the pace. I know he gave up the game winning home run the night before, but Gardy and staff keep talking about how they can use him on consecutive days...this was the perfect game to insert him right after Blackburn to burn up some innings.
Stomach is turning with the lead disappearing.
Twins officially give up lead and now trail 14-13.
Ugly.
Very Ugly.
What are you thinking Gardy? Brendan Harris gets a leadoff hit in the top of the eighth...you let Redmond bat (who grounds into a double play), then you bat Mauer for Casilla with two outs and nobody on? Why not save Mauer for the ninth to bat? Or at least if you bat Mauer in the eighth...why not bat him for Redmond with a runner on?
X-rays show that Gardy has some brain farts located in his cranium.
You got to be kidding Mr. Umpire...at least you could've got into position to make a call and not stand directly behind the pitcher at home plate. I don't mind that you called him out...I complain that you weren't even in position to make a call one way or another without interference, especially when you had ample time to swing around to the other side.
Zero confidence in Delmon Young...even from teammates (Cuddyer). That's all I could think about when Cuddyer tried to score from second base on a wild pitch.

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Fireman's

I'm a beer league softball player. Softball tournaments are really lame. It usually involves a lot of players that think they are better than what they truly are...along with these players are obnoxious significant others loudly cheering aimlessly at an ungodly pace. A quick fact ladies: there really isn't that much action in a softball game to be cheering at that rate. The most frustrating part though is the abundance of teams that play down a level so they can live out the glory of winning the tournament...and parlay that into a bigger tournament down the road.

The Annual Fireman's Softball Tournament however, is the absolute class of all softball tournaments in the state of Minnesota. If I had to compare it to anything for those that didn't comprehend the magnitude...I would compare it to March Madness fever. Everybody wants to be in it...however, it's such a unique event that even if you're not in it...people still want a piece of it. People will still show up as spectators just to be there and take in the surroundings around them.

This is the one weekend where I don't mind pitchers wearing hockey helmets. This is the one weekend I don't mind the softball players strutting around like their shit doesn't stink. And this is the one weekend that I can tolerate the players' significant others yelling on every play...

This tournament is just unique in so many ways. How else can you explain a whole generation of people growing up loving the home run element that adds to the game of baseball/softball...willing and wanting to play on open fields with no fences during this tournament...and they still love every minute of it.

Plus, it doesn't hurt that beer is the steady diet during the events of the weekend.

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*All-Stars*

If it wasn't for baseball, I wouldn't even know what an 'asterisk' stood for. Baseball made Roger Maris the 'asterisk'. A sport based on statistics galore has lately relied on the 'asterisk' to provide some "moral fiber" (compliments to George W. Bush) to the game that has been flooded by cheaters.

To honor baseball during this year's All-Star game, I'd like to present the Minnesota Twins Asterisk* All-Stars (they might have not cheated, but they didn't deserve to be there):

* Ron Coomer 1999- You were so important to us in 1999 that the Twins just let you walk after the season. What position did you even play during that year to earn a bid? 1B? 3B? DH?

* Matt Lawton 2000- You didn't deserve to be an All-Star. However, what I do like is that in the year 2000 (I just had a Conan O'Brien moment "in the year 2000") in the heart of the steroid era...the Twins send a light hitting corner outfielder as their All-Star.

* Joe Mays 2001- You probably were deserving at the time based on your stats for the first half of 2001. Yet, usually All-Star berths are made a year later when you were supposed to. You were lucky, you went downhill fast once you started having arm issues in 2002.

Did You Know...?? Kent Hrbek only made the All-Star game once in his career. And the year that he made it was in 1982. I'm not trying to be a homer here...but that blows my mind. Look at Hrbek's stats throughout his career and keep in mind he was one of the best fielding first basemen during his time (even though Mattingly stole all the gold gloves). I also was under the assumption that Hrbek missed a lot of time due to injuries. I was wrong...in fact, Mattingly had more time missed due to injuries based on his career statistics year by year. On top of all that, Hrbek and the Twins won two World Series (1987 & 1991). How many did Mattingly and the Yankees win during his playing career...0!

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Williams' Wall Should Crumble...

The NFL may be unpredictable from year to year on the field...but, when they are in the courtroom it's inevitable that the NFL will trump anything and anyone that stands in it's way. Especially, when everything is based upon a collective bargaining agreement that the players union agreed to.

I'm not quite sure how Kevin and Pat Williams think they can wiggle out of this without getting at least two games, if not the standard four games eventually. I understand losing the game checks is a significant amount of their salary. However, they could do themselves and the team even more harm by missing crucial games down the stretch, which could include playoff games.

My personal opinion (a fan's request) is to cave in and sit the first four games of the season. Browns, Lions, 49ers and Packers would be the games that you would miss. On paper, it looks as if this doesn't seem too daunting of a task to escape this stretch of four games with a 2-2 record, and possibly even better.

Plus, maybe we could add to Brett Favre's folklore by having him beat his old team shorthanded.

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All-Metrodome Patch Team

You ever have a conversation with someone, anyone these days...and it always veers off to how bad the economy is...I find it really annoying even though it's true. The Minnesota Twins have operated like they've endured a "bad economy" throughout their whole existence of the franchise. To honor them and the Metrodome's last year of hosting the Twins, I have come up with an All-Metrodome Patch Team. This pays tribute to all the players they've signed on the cheap in the off-season (or during the season) to patch up their ballclub in one shape or form.

C: Pat Borders - His play resembles Mike Redmond, which means he never really plays, or if he does play he has no impact on the game whatsoever. But, Dick Bremer loved to bring up his MVP of the World Series accomplishment.

1B: Orlando Merced - Remember it took the Twins a gazillion years for someone (Morneau) to finally hit at least 30 home runs in a season. Go through some of the names we stuck at "power positions" such as 1st base/3rd base/corner outfielders...you'll see why it took us so long.

2B: Bret Boone - Remember when you sported the t-shirt "Chicks Dig the Long Ball". I would've just been happy (and probably the chicks too) with a few singles here and there from you.

SS: Jose Offerman - We actually signed you as a pinch-hitter, which wasn't a bad move...however, I think it's more comical to put you at shortstop considering your fielding prowess during your Major League career.

3B: Tony Batista - It's pretty fitting you come over from a year of baseball in Japan with a buddha belly of your own. Nick Punto replaced you as the everyday third basemen...how would you like to live with that for the rest of your life...?

LF: Alex Cole - Rec-Specs...isn't it funny that some times you remember people by the fads/fashions of their day, not necessarily because they were memorable themselves.

CF: Otis Nixon - You resembled E.T....except, your eyes were more bloodshot than his...it must've been that cocaine.

RF: Roberto Kelly - Very solid player in his day...however, the Twins were about five years late on signing him during his prime.

DH: Ruben Sierra - It's pretty funny going over this list and realizing that half of these players that played under Gardenhire didn't get along with him...thus, they were released or traded. I thought you were a players' manager, Gardy?

SP: Bob Tewksbury - No way!...Twins add a veteran pitcher long in the tooth, who doesn't throw hard...but, he throws strikes. "He knows how to pitch" replies Gardy.

RP: Mike Jackson - You only got this spot because of great timing. I don't know if anyone heard, but Michael Jackson died...this is my sad pathetic way to pay homage to him.

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One Shining Moment(s) Volume 2

The one follower (that would be me...I have a tendency to talk to myself) that I have, has requested that I do another edition of One Shining Moment...so here we go...

James "Hollywood" Robinson: How does one thrive in the last five minutes of garbage time when they have been glued to the bench throughout the first 43 minutes of the game? This should be a psychology case study. You single-handedly won three to four games by yourself that the Timberwolves had pretty much given up on...you drained three after three after three until Flip would bring the starters back in to help assist you in the dramatic comeback victories.

Spergon Wynn: If Randy Moss and Cris Carter can't make you into an NFL caliber quarterback, it's time to hang up your cleats. So by default, your One Shining Moment was somebody naming you "Spergon".

Jim Wacker: I love how you come in here from coaching the Necessary Roughness team down in Texas, and then decide that we are going to alter the uniforms so they don't even resemble our school colors. Jim, in case you didn't understand we have some tradition here in Gopher Nation Football...1. losing 2. losing in Maroon and Gold uniforms.

Paul Molitor: My fondest memory of Paul Molitor was when he was a bench coach for the Twins. Twins were playing in Cleveland and the umpire was shrinking the strike zone when the talented Indians team was up to bat. Molitor who is usually pretty calm, loses it and gets kicked out of the game for arguing the inconsistent strike zones for both teams. Before he does though, he throws a batting tee onto the field to symbolize how small the strike zone was for Cleveland...it was classic, but even more classic since it came from a mild-mannered Molitor.

Ndudi Ebi: I still have flashbacks of David Stern saying..."the Minnesota Timberwolves select Doody E.B..." That has to be your moment in the sun, other than depositing that guaranteed money every two weeks, for three years into your bank account.

Cris Dishman: You are one of the many reasons I don't care for cornerbacks. While the infamous Antonio Freeman catch, let him fall down and don't touch him, and then let him get up and run all the way to the endzone while I try to find the closest camera to celebrate/sulk...irritates me...it brings up a bigger point. Why do cornerbacks always celebrate the "almost" plays? Just because the offense didn't make a play, doesn't mean that you necessarily made a play. I don't need your stupid gestures and/or facial expressions to tell me you "almost" made a play. Just catch the ball...oh yeah you guys can't catch it, otherwise you would be on the offensive side of the ball (insert: unless your Troy Williamson joke here).

Shane Heal: You had International success against the USA team in the Olympics. The Timberwolves are really interested and obtain you...yet, you never had an impact on our franchise the way we had hoped. Did I just describe the Ricky Rubio situation...??

Butch Huskey: You were one of the pioneers...of "washed-up veteran baseball player that the Twins will sign for cheap to make it seem like they are improving the ball club to the fan base, then they either release or trade you midway through the year because the experiment shockingly failed."

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